puck
Slump Buster, Bobby Ryan/Corey Perry/Ryan Getzlaf, explicit, 2300 words

summary: "This isn't Bobby's first rodeo: he knows there are more ways to bust slumps than just Olive Garden alfredo. Maybe it's time to try them." In which Bobby Ryan gives Corey Perry a blow job in the Olive Garden men's room while Ryan Getzlaf sits at the table and fumes; later, a threesome.

notes: [personal profile] go_gentle: "http://ducks.ocregister.com/2012/01/19/ryan-picks-up-play-amid-constant-rumors/105943/ what i am taking away from this is 'threesome'"

me: that would be the awkwardest, most hilarious threesome *__* can it start with bobby blowing corey perry in an olive garden bathroom while getzy sits at the table and fumes?

thanks to [personal profile] go_gentle for the idea and [personal profile] way2busymom for dragging the story out of me!

if you are unfamiliar with the gentlemen in question, here they are on the bench together; here is a picture i call getzy is stern and bobby is pretty; yes, bobby ryan does say olive garden breadsticks are slump busters, they love hugs, bobby and getzy love to stare at each other, and corey perry is strange.
hockey
REI REI I WROTE YOU A STORY I WROTE YOU A STORY REI!!!

Title: Strike Us Like Matches ('Cause Everyone Deserves The Flames)
Pairing: Andrew Ladd/Ryan Kesler
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 15181
Summary: In which the hockey teams we know and love are organized crime cartels battling for control of North America, where battling usually means distracting or punching, and Andrew Ladd might be taking the Godfather's legendary advice to "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" a little bit too literally.

That's right: this ain't a rink, it's a goddamn Mafia AU. Happy Hockey Holidays!

(Warnings for off-screen death of a minor character, some violence, and insults to the honor of various current and former Canucks players.)

Notes: For [personal profile] beatperfume. Thanks to [personal profile] impertinence for reading this over for me. Background pairings include Kane/Toews, Keith/Seabrook, and Sharp/Burish. The title is from the lyrics to "Champagne For My Real Friends, Real Pain For My Sham Friends" by Fall Out Boy. Nearly all of the characters who aren't hockey players are shameless cameos of people I know in real life. Everything I know about organized crime, I learned from the Life Magazine "Mobsters and Gangsters" issue, the due South fic Chicago's Most Wanted, and the Community episode "Contemporary American Poultry."
awkward

...and neither does brent seabrook.

so i realized i basically assume everybody i know already knows each other, but because you're not all figments of my imagination, that is UNTRUE. i know tons of us are varying degrees of socially anxious, and i'm terrible at introductions (irl i will often just sort of wave my hand between people and then disappear, which i guess at least gives them a topic of conversation? /o\), so i made this post! now people can comment in it and, idk, post pictures or tell me something cool and then we can all o___o at each other and make friends.

yes. *waves hands around* :D?
laptop, low point
HI GUYS

so the other day i uploaded literally all of my holiday music! here's the ginormous folder, if you're interested. (insert disclaimer about keeping the files for 24 hours and then eating them and purchasing the cd, blah blah.) but i figured aside from just throwing a huge, almost-completely-disorganized lump of music at you, i'd give you some favorites! there's even a hanukkah song that isn't i have a little dreidel!

I HAVE TERRIBLE TASTE. THIS IS NOT NEWS )
babydoll
i'm not doing so great. if you're bored and feel like posting pictures that'd be pretty cool.
kaner haaay
i blame [livejournal.com profile] shihadchick for this. somebody should probably delete seashore off my computer

KANERCHU, I CHOOSE YOU! )
hockey puck
i'm thankful for all of you, and my family, and delicious food, and pens that don't leak, and red bull, and medication, and tv shows i wasn't expecting to like (i didn't think i'd ever want to watch walking dead, and then i found myself bouncing up and down gleefully and yelling at the characters while i stuffed myself with cranberries. okay!), and cats, and comfy skirts, and HOCKEY

speaking of hockey, i wrote a story where duncs and seabs do sex magic to fix the blackhawks!
"bet that i can make you believe", at ao3. nobody betaed it, but [livejournal.com profile] way2busymom is a great cheerleader! *\o/*
pug
i spent most of last week back east. my mom actually GOT TIME OFF (no seriously this hasn't happened in years) so we sat on the couch and watched harry potter and days of our lives and gossiped \o/ also i went to a rangers game and then a hawks game with [livejournal.com profile] go_gentle when i got back! and i'm trying to avoid thinking so

can't resist a meme )
trolland
BECAUSE THE RACCOON IS HER MARY SUE

i have skillz )
laser cat
so i decided to get a dragon costume for chloe for halloween. last night we were punchy as hell after watching thor and i said GUYS, GUYS, SOMEBODY MAKE YOUR PHONE A CAMERA! I HAVE AN IDEA!!! because i had a feeling chloe wasn't going to want to hold still and pose.

nobody died, and we have photographic evidence! )
kaner haaay
HAVE YOU WATCHED THIS VID YET??? IF YOU HAVEN'T, GO WATCH IT RIGHT NOW:

~*~*~*CLUB CAN'T HANDLE KANER BY [livejournal.com profile] way2busymom*~*~*~

amazing, or MOST amazing? i can't stop watching it. KANER'S SMILE. KANER'S EVERYTHING.

other people who love this video: MY MOTHER )
kaner haaay
one day, some excellent human being decided that what the city of chicago REALLY needed was to have two blackhawks players named patrick make them burritos. so patrick sharp, whose life goal was to have his teammates call him "mr. sexy," and patrick kane, who thinks actor/singer christian kane is a pretty cool dude, took over a qdoba.

and here is photographic evidence. )
teemu
these fucking jets announcers need a punch in the nose. SHUT UP ALREADY. atlanta wasn't a good place for a sports team, but that doesn't mean they were all STUPID. also, it baffles me that they somehow manage to be pretending that the winnipeg jets sprang out of thin air instead of being mostly the same dudes who were the atlanta thrashers a couple of months ago AND insulting atlanta every other breath. YOU CAN'T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS, DOUCHENOZZLES.

did some friends list cuts, mostly inactive journals. if you think i hit the checkbox by accident (entirely possible) or you really enjoy reading my stupid locked entries for some reason feel free to comment or message me!

nobody showed up for tutoring today, so i used up my phone battery looking up costume components for my RIVER SONG outfit (it's gonna be so great) and wrote about sidney crosby being really grumpy about the fact that geno can't turn him into a werecat.

GOOD, THE HABS WON!
bubblegum
mark doesn't understand animals updated! imp's response: "just don't eat kaner, mark."

here is the lineup for my fantasy hockey team, "john scott's flipper" (named for the time i dreamed that i discovered john scott was secretly a dolphin and desperately needed to alert the internet to this deception, and somehow managed to wake up exactly enough to tweet about it in real life). i made a list of players with the weirdest/best names. just look at how beautiful these names are:
center: ryan getzlaf, david krejci, mika zibanejad, travis zajac
right wing: jarome iginla, dustin byfuglien, teemu selanne, cal clutterbuck
left wing: michael cammalleri, james van riemsdyk, kris versteeg, gabriel landeskog
defense: kevin shattenkirk, sergei gonchar, joni pitkanen, marek zidlicky, grant clitsome
goalie: pekka rinne, michal neuvirth

conversation with my mom )

look at these journals made out of little golden books oh my goodness. i remember reading so many of these books. i loved the color kittens, but i was deeply weirded out by mister dog (he wears clothes and sits in a chair, that is not how dogs work, what the hell do his bones look like? D: )

update, proof that my mom is the best mom:
abby: have you heard much about occupy wall street?
mom: yes i wanted to go
trolland
things i am doing lately:
- tutoring genetics! and apparently i'm good at it! (email from the head of the academic enrichment center: "How is tutoring going? You looked quite at home with your gathering of disciples." yesssss i am the empress of the genetics students \o/) it's exhausting but it makes me really happy.
- clapping my hands and squeaking with glee at hockey players' twitters, especially evgeni malkin's (he calls his cat "my babe!!!!!" and he trolled sidney crosby on his first day back at contact drills :D) and patrick kane's (he's made exactly two poorly-spelled tweets, and paintkane has tweeted at him!)
- panicking about med school applications. i've submitted 4, and i only have a few essays left to write, but some of them are complicated things like "what do you consider to be your most significant non-academic accomplishment?" "not dying" is the actual answer, but i don't think that's what they want me to say...
- wandering around target, making friends with cute indie couples in the dog costume aisle ("ooh, shark! ooh, BANANA! what's your dog going to be for halloween?" "actually, i have a cat! i'm torn between getting the bat wings and making her a dragon, and finding a cat costume for dogs and making her be a cat dressed up as a cat." "hahaha that would be HILARIOUS! definitely make her a cat-cat!") and overhearing adorable little girls from mars ("i want to watch oprah winfrey!" "okay, we can--" "she controls the animals!" "i don't think that's--" "hi, man! how ya doin', man?")
- watching HONEY 2. somebody write me all the maria/tina fic. or the kat graham/me fic. either way.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, INTERNETS?
gonna die
there was a lot of memorial stuff this weekend. i avoided most of it. i was in jiffy lube on friday, though, and there was one thing that freaked me out so bad i had to go stand outside like a weirdo.

the link is under here. you won't believe me if i describe it )
argument is invalid
IT'S RIVER SONG

I BET YOU'RE JEALOUS

WELL YOU CAN HAVE IT TOO IF YOU WANT http://ponchogoblins.livejournal.com/84394.html

I'M NOT SURE WHY I'M CAPSLOCKING. IT JUST FEELS RIGHT
big dork
i remember really clearly being obsessed with a case of thoraco-omphalopagus conjoined twins when i was a kid. their names were amy and angela. my mom tried to keep me from seeing the headlines the day they decided to do the surgery: AMY SACRIFICES HER LIFE FOR ANGELA. i thought that was bullshit -- amy's an INFANT, she can't decide things like that, they want a nicer way to say they're killing amy to try to keep angela alive when it might not even work. this was 1993, so i was seven.

turns out grown-up bioethicists agreed with me.

overview of the case written for high school students
newspaper article written shortly after the surgery
article from science world written 3 months after the surgery
catholic bioethical analysis written 5 months after the surgery
eulogy the week angela died
in-depth eulogy after angela died, partly by the author of the above newspaper article
bioethical analysis a year later

that last one also includes some wild, radical ideas on health care reform. from 1995. :|
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